Matthew is continuing to get stronger, although he suffers at night with a great deal of pain. Hopefully, he will have more medication tonight so that he can sleep better. He has been getting tired easily by visitors, but at the same time, seems to really appreciate all of the positive energy around him. I think that the time spent on his back is trying on his patience. He has mentioned several times that he looks forward to Tuesday when his leg will be removed from the traction. At that point, the pelvis surgeon will test his legs to determine whether his pelvis is stable. If it is stable, he will allow it to heal as it is. If he determines it is not stable, he will insert a pin into the back of his pelvis to achieve more stability. After that, Matthew will probably be able to get into a wheelchair and at least move around a bit.
I am amazed by how experiences like this slow life down. Matthew is looking forward to Tuesday when his leg can come out of a pin and it's possible that he may be able to roll slightly on his side to sleep. He can't wait. Three weeks ago I had difficulty holding onto those fleeting moments of pleasure. Many pleasurable moments would pass by and I did not notice. I intend to be mindful, but my mind was cluttered with the routines in my life. Whenever I go for a run in my neighborhood in the Pasadena area, I notice how my legs move so freely and I feel a sense of gratitude for my ability to run, for my legs and my health. I notice the breaths of fresh air I can take, the smells of the different trees and flowers, and the sounds of the birds. I feel grateful that I live in an area where I am surrounded by the beauty of nature. As my day goes on, though, I often lose sight of those moments. I stop noticing. I become frustrated with the amount of work I have to accomplish in a day. I become more and more worried and obsessed about what my future might hold and as my focus deepens on worry and frustration, I miss moments of beauty. I know Matthew will fully appreciate the moment when his leg is released from the pin and the weights. I know he will savor the first turn he takes onto his side and his first breath of fresh air outside of the hospital. This is such a clear reminder to me to appreciate, to express gratitude, and to notice the moments of beauty and of freedom in my life.