Noticing

It has been five months since I last wrote.  Maybe a five month hiatus, five months to focus on something else, five months to absorb.  As I was walking today in a suburban area of Connecticut, I came upon the image of water, flowing freely through my entire body, a stream of endless supply.  I felt the empathy that flowed in its contents.  As I learned more about the people around me, space opened up for water to disperse.  I couldn't help but connect to their experiences, to see the humanity, the struggle, the suffering, and the gratitude.  An appreciation for life itself, for the will to survive through circumstances that seem unbearable.  I could not help but to notice how close we all are, separated by arbitrary circumstances that seek to define our qualifications toward humanity, however, all they do is separate us from seeing each other for who we really are.  Judgments follow me everywhere, anywhere I go.  Now I feel restless with that idea, uncomfortable, for I realized I was somehow comforted by the judgments, as they served to simplify such complex details in my life.  It took sitting in a training today for me to completely understand this.  I think about my brother, and then I think about all those whose lives have been altered by unforeseen circumstances at young ages.  I think about all those who are affected by those circumstances and the effects.  I feel an unending amount of empathy, of willingness to explore, of time and patience to seek knowledge, to expand my limits, to throw away judgments, to really truly understand what it might be like...but the moment is fleeting and I am back to myself, back to a fast-paced, multi-tasked, goal-oriented life where these moments cannot exist in the interest of time and I lose myself.  Yes, I am back to myself and I lose myself, simultaneously.  And so I challenge myself to come back, again and again, to a moment of empathy, a moment of humanity, a moment of true courage.